I knew I was an adult the first time I said to someone with whom I disagreed, “Well, let’s talk about that.” Before then, I had smiled and nodded and then cried a little on my commute home, or made fun of the idiot standing in front of me. Just depended on my mood and the situation. I did something last Friday that 1)made me cry a little, and 2)helped me understand what women a little older than I mean when they say things like “after 40, it all clicks into place,” or “you come into your own after you turn 40.”
I turned down a job. A Big Job. A job paying way more than I make helping my new boss-lady run the free world out of her basement. It was, simply, the wrong job for me. A year ago (honestly, more like 4 months ago) I would have described it as my “dream job,” and then swallowed another handful of TUMS. In 14 years I never learned how to filter the feeling of total personal responsibility for the success of hundreds of kids, and then, after I left the classroom, thousands of kids and their teachers. I lugged all of that around with me everywhere I went. It was killing me literally and emotionally. It was, despite the money and the stepping stone to possibly even bigger things for me professionally and thousands of teachers I might have helped in some small way, the absolute right decision for me to make. How do I know? I trusted my first instinct–no second guessing, no regrets, no “what if.” I simply sent a polite note of thanks but no thanks and shut the door. I did what was the absolute best thing for me, even if it hurt a little. Right is so rarely easy. It felt like the day you know you are over the flu–I was wiped out, but felt lighter, and ready to be done with it.
Sometimes I think that we jumped the gun on leaving Texas, that we should have stayed and fixed things where we were, but most days I know that there was no way that was going to happen. I needed a two-day drive between me and my personal crack that I couldn’t give up on my own, and we, as a family, needed a change of scenery. I miss the familiar faces and big open sky we left in Central Texas, but this place and this time is good. And I am totally in love with my little WWII 4-square cottage, but I’ll have to tell you about that another time.
Onward and upward, as Teddy Roosevelt said (I totally made that last part up, but can’t you see TR saying that?). If you want to know more about who I am working for, here she is:
I started temping part-time for her in September, and became her new full-time Executive and Personal Assistant in mid-October. It is exciting and so much fun to work for her! Every day is new and different, and the complexity of helping her organize and weave together her personal and professional lives is invigorating.
I’ve been absent from the page for a while–it’s been a time of adjustment and newness, to the point of being over-stimulating. I am going to be working on my advent page through December, so visit me there, if you like:
Hope you are enjoying your Thanksgiving leftovers!